From:	BASIL::CITSDENIS    "I can't take much more of this !" 29-OCT-1986 19:55:31.77
To:	CITSPETER,CITSNIC,CITSSUE,MAT21316,MAT25203,MAT24034
CC:	
Subj:	At last !!!!!!!!

                                  AARDVARK IV

                      A Cecil B. deBOUTDEBUSH production 

Music by   A. Coal Porter                               Lyrics by Patrick Moore

Adapted from an idea by Norma Snockers.       Homosexual bits by Ophelia Botty.

Photographed in Superpanafeelaramaflexavision        using a Pocket Instamatic.

Dance arrangements by Giant Haystacks.        Stunts performed by Eezer Nutter.

Script by Ivor Penn.                          Titles by sucking up to Royalty.

And now, the plot ........

	Theophilus chuckled quietly to himself (ha ha ha) as he walked arm in 
arm with his friends Cecil and Ralph. "I've done it!" he thought. "Now I can 
have my own little room with quilted wallpaper, and no sharp corners, and bars
on the windows to stop thieves breaking in ........".

	"Come on Duck," said Cecil, "D'on't dawdle, there's a love !".

	"I am not a duck, I'm an Aardvark !!" shouted Theophilus.

	"Oh, I don't know, you look....(Oops, I've already done that gag in
part three!).

	"We could become the three Mustyqueers " said Cecil. "Or the three 
nuns !". (Can't get Nun, Don't want Nun and Never had Nun !!!!).

	They made towards a battered Reliant Robin. "Isn't that the principal's
car ?" thought Theophilus.

	Suddenly they changed direction and headed for the tower block. "Oh 
Nooooooooo where are you taking me ?" shouted Theophilus.

"To Psychology, my little cuddly bum" said Ralph. "There's some nice hunky men
up there who want to feel your bumps !"

"If they do, I'll kick 'em in the dangly bits" shouted Theophilus.

	He really did have to escape now. He couldn't stand the thought of being
trapped up there with thousands of trendily dressed fruit cakes coming up to him
and shouting "Would you mind filling in a Questionnaire? " or "Could you please
come in here for five minutes and press my sensors?" (Oh, I don't know, though,
that last one sounds quite nice ........!!).

	Suddenly he had a bright idea.(Ping ! Ping!). Today was the awards
ceremony. If he could just get free and mingle with the penguins, he just might
get away ....

	"Can you slacken this jacket so I can tie my shoelace ?" he asked.

	"Anything for you, passion flower," said Cecil loosening the buckles.

	Theophilus bent over to tie his shoelace.

	"Oooooooh Ralph, I've come over all funny ! It must be my lucky day!"
cried Cecil, looking at Theophilus's rear.

	"Oooooohhhh Yessssss !" cried Ralph, "What an opportunity !".

	They both made towards Theophilus and collided. NOW !!!!! Theophilus
broke out of the jacket and ran into the crowd. "I must mingle!" (mingle, 
mingle".

	He put on a cap and gown that were lying there. He looked rather smart.
This was the acid test. He dare not look conspicuous. A student walked up to
him. "What do you think of Dickens ?" he asked. "Dunno, I've never been to one"
replied Theophilus.

	Suddenly a whistle blew, and everyone started to form a line. 

"Oh, bums" he said (Christ this queer bit's catching"). He joined the line,
knowing full well that if he didn't, he'd be spotted. Trouble was, he would
have to go to the awards ceremony now ! Poor Theophilus, it was getting worse !

	The line of caps and gowns moved off in the direction of the Town Hall,
chanting the age old awards ceremony ritual words -

"Chop chop, busy busy, work work, bang bang, chop chop ........"

	             To be Continued .........??